It’s about time
Posted on: Thursday, November 3rd, 2005Comments: 0
The other day, I ran into a guy I grew up with. Actually, I didn’t really grow up with him. He moved away when we were eight-years-old. I hadn’t seen him since. I spent the first eight years of my life with him as a neighbor and a friend and hadn’t seen him in over 34 years, yet we didn’t miss a beat. We spent a few hours together catching up and in many ways it felt like we had never really been apart. And this isn’t the first time this has happened. I occasionally run into friends from my childhood and have a similar experience. In every case it’s as if we weren’t apart for years and years. It’s almost like they’re family.
There’s something about the way we bond as children that’s really hard to replicate. Maybe it’s because as a child we have so few experiences and relationships that each one leaves a powerful and lasting impression on our lives. Or maybe it’s because of the enormous amount of time we spend with our childhood friends. Time playing or just doing nothing together. All day. Everyday. In the summer it’s from morning till the street lights go on. In the winter it’s at school and weekends. Nothing formal. Nothing planned. Usually just hanging out. Or maybe it’s because during that short time of our lives we’re pure; life hasn’t taught us about all the things we should hate or look down upon or block out. During that one innocent and powerful time of our lives, we do what children do; absorb everything in an unfiltered manner and build really strong bonds.
When I was a child, my father was a hard worker. He worked all day, then he came home and worked all night. He traveled on business around the world and was often away for a full week, and longer. When he wasn’t working or traveling, he was reading or fixing things. It was a different time then. The day-to-day parenting came from my mother. She was a stay-at-home mom who did everything with us. Consequently, I built a much stronger bond with my mother than my father. And because of that, she’s always been a more powerful influence in my life. To this day, I’ll catch myself responding to things in the way my mother would respond. When I stop and think for a moment, my responses are different, more thoughtful and deliberate, and sometimes even better. But my immediate responses come from someplace really deep. Someplace under many, many layers. Someplace really hard to get to and change. What I’ve concluded is that it’s about time. Time together. Playing. Reading. Hanging out. Talking over dinner. Doing projects together. And yes, even watching TV together. It’s all about time together. The people that have influenced that deep part of my brain are the people I spent a lot of time with during those early years when there was still easy access to that deep part of my brain.
So, that’s where I want to be with my daughters; in that deep part of their brains. I want to be one of those people who influence them for the rest of their lives. I want to build a bond that creates trust at the core. I want my motivational and positive views about life to occupy that precious space in their brains that will be virtually inaccessible in years to come. I want their immediate, subconscious responses to situations to be the responses they got from me rather than the ones suggested by TV and their friends and lyrics from songs. And since I believe it’s all about time, I invest as much time as I can with my girls. This isn’t always easy, of course, in this highly competitive and global business environment. But, with focus and appreciation of the importance of every minute; appreciating that every minute matters, I have found many ways to invest my time with them.
Most importantly, I make time with my girls a priority. Work is naturally a huge part of my life and consumes a big chunk of every day. But, I try to be home every evening from 6:00pm – 8:30pm. Without making it a priority, that time is easy to lose. It’s easy to stay at work for another hour (or three). But that extra hour could represent almost 50% of the entire time I would have with them for the day. And, I can always finish my work after they go to bed (and I usually do that very thing). Between 6pm and 8:30pm, I can dig my way into that deep part of their brains.
When I know I have to work late (and miss my 6pm-8:30pm window), I eat breakfast with them and put them on the bus. When I need to travel on business, I try to fly out in the morning rather than the night before. On weekends, I fight the urge to do my own thing, and instead do family things. When my wife and I go out at night, we try to leave after the kids go to bed (we try…).
I’ve heard people say they plan to invest all their time working for the first 15 years or so to get rich, then have all the time in the world to spend with their kids. That investment might never pay off. When time is finally your own, they may not be there. And even if they are there, that deep place in their brains will be inaccessible.
By the way, don’t forget to check out the A Girl Named Pants series of children’s books to empower your children and help them to believe they can do anything! www.agirlnamedpants.com
Recent Blog Entries
Ice Skate with Confidence
Motivational children’s books for raising daughters
My eight-year-old became a nine-year-old recently. So, for her birthday, my wife and I took 11 little girls to a local skating rink. It was a challenge…but a lot of fun.
My daughters have skated several times before, whereas at least 5 of the 11 girls had not. [...]
The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
Motivate your children to succeed!
One of my greatest day-to-day challenges is watching my children suffer through…well, anything. I know that there is great value in the obstacles we all face in life. Maybe more value than in the pleasures. Some of us might even be bold enough to say that life’s obstacles [...]
Another posting about Hannah Montana’s song lyrics…
Raising Daughters with Motivational Children’s Books
Yes, yes, I know…my last posting was about Hannah Montana’s song lyrics. But I believe it’s important to do one more. As I said in my last posting, song lyrics can provide a great opportunity to build a bridge between us and our kids. The challenge, of [...]
Want a great message? Listen to Hannah Montana!
Motivational Childrens Books
Yes, yes, you read it correctly. I use the lyrics from one of Hannah Montana’s songs every day to motivate my kids. Keep in mind, I watch TV with my kids on the weekends…sometimes for a big chunk of the day. And while I don’t recall whether Hannah Montana is [...]
Walk Me Through Your Day
Raising daughters with children’s books for girls
I was chatting with my friend, Tim, recently about ideas for raising confident children. We both agree that it’s critical to know what’s going on in our kids’ lives…every day. My question of the day, though, was how to get my 7 year-olds and 8 year-old to [...]
Sticks and Stones can Break your Bones but Names will ALWAYS hurt you!
My mother always told me that sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Well…that is hardly ever true. Names do hurt. Names can destroy a child’s confidence. Names can be the difference between a child who grows up to be a confident adult and one [...]
When raising daughters, talk about “Health” not “Heft”
My girls, who are only 8-years-old, and 6-years-old, are already becoming weight conscious. Did it come from TV? Their friends? Family? I don’t know. Part of me wants to solve the problem by telling them that weight doesn’t matter. At least that’s what I hear from all the shrinks [...]
Raising confident daughters with public speaking…in front of adults
Motivational Children’s books and stuff for girls: A Girl Named Pants!
I believe that public speaking could be the most important of all life-skills. Public speaking skills apply to almost everything. Teaching. Being a student. Sports. Business. Sales. Politics. Research. Law. Medicine. Operations. Living [...]
Sometimes, it’s all in the handshake!
Motivational Children’s Books for Girls: A Girl Named Pants!
Have you ever noticed the difference in handshakes between various people? Sometimes you get the limp fish; sometimes you get the half hand; sometimes you get the quick release; sometimes you get the quick look-away or the quick look-down; and sometimes, when your lucky, you get [...]
Raising confident daughters by teaching them to teach
Motivational children’s books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
I had a conference with my daughter, Olivia’s, first-grade teacher today. The teacher was reporting on Olivia’s progress from the beginning of the school year. We talked about all of the typical things. But when we were finished doing that, I asked about Olivia’s [...]
Raise confident daughters with strong math skills!
Motivational children’s books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
Confidence can be a lot about knowing the answers. The answers to questions posed by teachers during class. The answers to questions posed by classmates during recess. The answers to life’s little questions that pop up throughout the day. These questions are typically [...]
Raising confident daughters with SKYPE
Motivational childrens books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
When raising daughters, it’s all about time. I’ve said this in other postings. In my view, daughters need high quality and low quality time with their dads. There’s the deep, heart-to-heart conversations, and there’s the dinner time banter, and there’s everything in between. [...]
Raising confident Daughters: Is God a Boy or Girl?
Raising confident daughters with childrens books for girls: A Girl Named Pants!
One night, when my oldest daughter was around four-years-old, I sat at her bedside responding to dozens of questions which seemed designed more to keep me in her room than to get answers. One question, though, was really profound. She asked me [...]
Raising confident daughters with pre-school reading
Raising confident daughters with Children’s books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
I was an October baby, so when I began school, I was one of the youngest in my class. To make matters worse, I was the smallest. For this reason, and probably many others, I started behind the rest of the Kindergarten [...]
Raising Daughters with Show-and-Tell!
During my first day of law school, I sat in a huge room; more of an auditorium really. There were hundreds of students sitting in stadium-style seating. A teacher stood in front of the room giving us a preview of what was to come. He posed a hypothetical question to the class. [...]
Stick and stones will break my bones, but names will NEVER hurt me!
Motivational children’s books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
Raising three daughters requires a parent to deal with the consequences of name calling. I used to go through it every day. One of my girls would run up to me crying because one of my other girls called her a name. "Emma said I’m a [...]
Life is a game of inches: introduce lifetime sports to raise confident daughters
Motivational Children’s Books for Girls: A Girl Named Pants
I cannot emphasize enough how important confidence is to girls…especially during their formative years. And every little bit helps. Life is a game of inches. A jolt of confidence during a critical moment in a child’s life can mean the difference between "just saying no" and a [...]
Is it good to focus children on one sports when they’re young?
Motivational Children’s Books for Girls: A Girl Named Pants
I had a chat today with a friend about raising daughters. He has an interesting perspective. He pushed his daughter really hard in soccer when she was very young. He worked with her every night after work. He sent her to camps. As a result, she excelled [...]
It’s the little things…there’s nothing bigger
Motivational children’s books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
I took the title of this post from a movie called, "Vanilla Sky." Great movie. The movie has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but the quote is really powerful. Especially against the backdrop of raising daughters.
I have a friend who travels a lot with [...]
A friend for life…
Children’s books for girls: A Girl Named Pants
My mother raised us to believe in God. She wasn’t a bible thumper or holy roller, but she introduced us to someone who would love us unconditionally no matter what the rest of the world thought of us. Someone who had a bigger plan for us than [...]
