How do you raise daughters in an obese nation?
Posted on: Friday, December 30th, 2005Comments: 2
We had dinner the other night at my aunt’s house. My wife, our three little girls, and I made an evening of it. We had a great time. The whole family was there. My brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and cousins. We ate, drank, played ping-pong, and talked about all kinds of things. The best conversation I had was with my cousin (cousin-in-law, actually), Debbie. She taught me something about raising daughters. And since I’m all about raising my daughters, good advice on that topic is really important to me.
Somehow Debbie found out that I wouldn’t let my daughters eat McDonalds’ French Fries because they’re so fattening. Well, actually what Debbie found out was that I told my daughters that McDonalds’ Fries were fattening to encourage them not to eat them.
Debbie confronted me immediately and told me that I should have given my girls another reason…I shouldn’t have told them that they couldn’t eat McDonalds’ Fries because they’re fattening. “It’s going to make them think that you won’t love them if they’re fat, or that being fat is somehow…bad.”
At first I didn’t agree with her. Because frankly, I do think it’s bad to be fat. It’s unhealthy. Obesity is becoming one of the biggest killers of Americans. It reduces quality of life. It’s restrictive. And obese people are commonly discriminated against both socially and professionally. It’s sad and true. And children in America are heavier than ever before. More than twice as many children in the US today are clinically obese than during the 70s. More than three times as many adolescents are clinically obese today than during the 70s. (http://www.obesity.org/subs/childhood/prevalence.shtml).
And it is harder now than ever before to fight off obesity. Fattening food is addictive. Computers have made children’s lives more sedentary. Pop and juice have replaced milk and water in children’s diets. With this in mind, it’s more important than ever before to guide our children through the minefields of sugar and computer games. It’s more important than ever before for us to guide our daughters toward healthy lifestyles, including exercise and a balanced diet. And, yes, to avoid McDonalds’ French Fries.
But, after listening to Debbie’s rationale, I agree with her. She’s right. It is wrong to tell my girls that they should avoid McDonalds’ Fries (or any other food) because it will make them fat. I don’t want them to be stressed about their weight. I don’t want them to believe that I won’t love them if they’re fat. I don’t want them to believe that they would be less important or ugly if they become fat. I don’t want their weight to reduce their confidence.
So, instead of telling my daughters to avoid McDonalds’ Fries because they’re fattening, I’m going to tell them to avoid the fries (and all other junk food) because they’re unhealthy. This will turn the point from negative to positive. This will tell them that I want them to be healthy so they can do more with their lives. I want them to be healthy so they can live for a long, long time. I want them to be healthy so that we can play soccer and swim together. So that we can hike and snorkel together. So that we can do all the things we love to do without getting tired. I want them to be healthy because I can’t wait to see what they’ll do next.
Confidence can be a powerful tool in life. But, it’s very delicate during childhood (even during adulthood). It can be shattered with a comment, no matter how well intended. Especially with daughters. Every little bit helps on the road to motivating our daughters to be confident, strong, and compassionate leaders. Do you believe that stressing children about becoming fat is a bad thing? Will it create problems downstream? Or is stressing children about becoming fat a good thing? Will it help them to lead healthier lives? What do you think?
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December 30th, 2005 at 11:41 pm
I believe stressing children about their weight is not a good thing. I think you hit the nail on the head by emphasising Healthy or Unhealthy rather than the fat issue.
My daughter went through a stage where she was a bit chubby just before puberty hit, and it took all our self-control not to make a big deal of it.
Then after she changed overnight to this tall willowy beautiful young lady with a figure I’d kill for – we were so thankful we didnt stress about the ‘fat’ and just kept providing appropriate food choices and educating her on healthy eating.
If she had had a negative image of being fat, this stage could have had serious emotional consequences for her. So my answer to your questions is – stressing children about becoming fat is a bad thing. Stick to emphasising health.
September 14th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
I love your blog, Tom! I wanted to throw my two cents in to this entry…
I think it’s terrible to stress a kid out about their weight. I have a girlfriend that i’ve grown up with since elementary school, and her mother used to say lots of little comments about her weight. They were always with good intentions but they did a lot of damage. My friend grew up to be anorexic and bulemic and struggled with self-esteem issues regarding her “weight”… she wasn’t even that heavy. Even today, after losing like 50 lbs and having a gorgeous body, she refuses to go to the beach in a bikini – she wears shorts. I’m convinced it was because of her mothers comments. I think stressing to be “healthy” is way better than talking about being fat.