An Encouraging Word
Posted on: Sunday, December 18th, 2005Comments: 0
How important is it to say encouraging things to our daughters? Can encouraging words really change their behavior? Can encouraging words really help them to believe in themselves; to believe they can do anything?
Well, it sounds like one of those statements that would be really hard to prove one way or another. It sounds like one of those statements that would require at least two groups of children from similar backgrounds; one who was motivated frequently with encouraging words and one who was not. And it might even take years to see the outcome.
Without doing any of that, I believe that encouraging words can have both an immediate and long term impact on a child’s life. A few weeks ago I was coaching my eight and under swim team in the last meet of the year; the meet which had participants from 23 different schools. One of my swimmers, Katie, was on her third length of the 100 Individual Medley (one length of each stroke; butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke, and freestyle). She was tracking behind her best time. In the first few strokes of her third length I noticed that she was swimming slowly. She seemed to have given up. So, I ran over to the end of the pool, got down on my knees so she could see my face as she took her breaths, and started screaming, “GO!”
Katie didn’t notice me on the first breath, but she saw me the next one. Her face changed. Her speed picked up. At that moment, the momentum changed. The whole place could feel it. Her parents began screaming for her. Her team mates began screaming for her. With one encouraging word (or shout), she transformed before the eyes of hundreds of parents from a quitter to a winner. She beat her best time. She won her heat. She got a heat ribbon. The timers congratulated her. Her friends high-fived her. For that moment, she was a champion, a celebrity. She talked about it for days.
Did an encouraging word change her life? Well, it gave her a victory she would not have earned otherwise. And as I said in my last post, little victories mean a lot. They can begin a trend of success. And it might just be an encouraging word that leads to that first or second or third little victory. An encouraging word could fuel the trend. Just the same, a lack of an encouraging word could lead to a loss to begin or perpetuate a trend of failure.
The other day I was watching my five-year-old daughter at soccer practice. She’s new at soccer and extremely shy at times. During a scrimmage, she was barely engaged in the game. She wouldn’t even touch the ball when it rolled near her. So, I pulled her out and talked to her. She said, “Dad, I’m never going to score a goal.” I said, “Gabrielle, you don’t have to score a goal. Last week your sister kicked the ball 6 times. That was awesome. Just kick the ball. See if you can kick it six times.” I then walked her out and asked the coach to make her feel good if she kicked the ball. The next time the ball came near her, Gabrielle kicked it. Even though she kicked it right out of bounds, the coached shouted, “Way to go, Gabrielle!” Then she yelled over to me so Gabrielle would hear her, “That’s one, dad! Five more to go!”
Gabrielle’s whole attitude changed. She was smiling and running with the other kids. She didn’t score a goal, or even come close to scoring a goal, but she kicked the ball nine times. The coach responded to every “touch” with a shout. It changed everything for her. It continued the trend of success.
An encouraging word can change everything. Has anyone else changed their children’s life with an encouraging word? Has anyone else motivated their daughters to believe they can do anything? How?
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